April 16, 2014

(Source: lacooletchic, via tinyunderpants)

April 16, 2014

You tried to change me.
You tried to make me better,
but you molded me into a wax sculpture
that melted under your touch.

I had a dream that you and your new girlfriend
tried to kill me.
You did not succeed,
but I woke up remembering the way your lips felt on my forehead -
and I could not breathe properly for an hour and fourteen minutes.

I wanted to be loved so badly,
I would have let anyone do it.


Amanda Helm, Like Wax (via amandaspoetry)

April 16, 2014
"I have loved you more fiercely
than I have
ever loved anyone
and it frightens me
it breaks me
it drains me
to know I can only say these things to
poems that will never love me
and can no longer say them to you."

Amanda Helm (via amandaspoetry)

April 16, 2014
"I love you in waves,
and lately,
everyday has been a hurricane."

Amanda Helm (via poetrist)

(via amandaspoetry)

April 16, 2014

I believe we lost something along
the way and I have not been able
to put my finger on what.

But, you see, we no longer love each other
like pulpy orange juice and grape skins.
I no longer pick you out of my teeth
each morning when we must say goodbye.

We scattered our love on the dining
room table to see what was salvageable,
but we no longer recognized each other.


Amanda Helm, Lover (via amandaspoetry)

April 16, 2014

when we were lonely,
we quilted our sadness together
and we buried ourselves underneath it.

we told each other we were in love
we told each other this could last forever
we were honest
but we were young and
when you’re nineteen, forever always runs
out time.

we had to take the stitches out
and separate what we had once loved
putting together.
our love was a wishbone, broken in two,
representing everything that ends
and everything that could never come true.

it’s still you
it’s still you


Amanda Helm, it’s still you (via amandaspoetry)

April 16, 2014

do you know we never said one word directly
to one another alone in our bedrooms?
we only looked at each other through
our wireless routers and we waited
until one of us cried so we could end the call.
we were talking in circles,
we were forgetting what it meant to be alone
we were trying to warm our hands by the fire
but we forgot the fire went out long ago

i love(d) you
i love(d) you
i love(d) you
and you aren’t really past tense
but you have to be paste tense now, don’t you?

i don’t know if im a coward
of if the night i left i was just cowardly
but i love(d) you
but love stopped being enough when I saw the tunnel
caving in on me
and I saw my lungs giving out when giving you cpr
and i knew i could never love you like you deserved
i love(d) you


Amanda Helm, i love(d) you (via amandaspoetry)

April 16, 2014

this is the first time you said hello and the time I ignored you on the elevator because I did not know yet that I loved you. these are the sheets that went untouched the first night you kissed me — you did not want more. This is the moment we romanticized my unshaved, prickly personality and made it something that could break.

Here it is -
all the moments you picked apart when you said goodbye,
strewn across the bathroom floor.

I ate your words like breath mints,
Tried to savor them, make them last forever,
so I never had to forget how you tasted,
but they burned a hole in my tongue.

explosive words are not meant to be consumed.
love was never meant to be toxic.

I have written three hundred and sixty seven poems
about our departure and my readers
tell me that I am unoriginal now.

I am still writing to heal my ache.
I am still writing to get it right.
if I am being honest, we tried too hard in the end.
I knew you were leaving when you put the toilet seat
back down and you did the laundry.

you cleaned the whole house and I knew you were
scrubbing every inch of yourself out of our home.
Whether this was for me or for you, I do not know.

I stare at these words you left me - these moments
we used to love.
I set them on fire
and wonder if I’ll catch, too.


Amanda Helm - Departure  (via amandaspoetry)

April 16, 2014
"this is it, isn’t it?
this is where our love rusts and chips away
as new lovers dare to touch our skin.
this is where our love grows cobwebs and
only the spiders’ prey remember the way
we bloomed.
only dying creatures know who we were now.
the dead bury the dead
and I swear our love was the most beautiful corpse
I ever had to bury."

Amanda Helm, Our Love (via amandaspoetry)

(via amandaspoetry)

April 16, 2014
"Anytime you’re gonna grow, you’re gonna lose something. You’re losing what you’re hanging onto to keep safe. You’re losing habits that you’re comfortable with, you’re losing familiarity."

— James Hillman (via honeyandgunpowder)

(Source: onlinecounsellingcollege, via vylk)

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